The Fan Hub

If Monday was any indication of what this NBA season is going to be like when the Heat come to your town, buckle up kids because ESPN is running a "Heat Index": a section totally devoted to the Miami Heat-all year round. So, in case you support one of the 29 other teams in the NBA you can always keep an eye on the team that's been anointed a crown they have yet to earn. After listening to Rachel Nichols interview LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, I realized this newly self-appointed NBA royalty just doesn't understand why some people are so pissed off at them. What's even more frustrating is that either they don't want to understand or they're unable to understand; so, out of the goodness of my heart I'll try and explain to them and their supporters why people like me look down poorly on their union.

They Violated the Expendables Exemption

As Nichols interviewed the three Kings of Miami, she asked the typical softball questions that any intelligent athlete could skirt around. These three are extraordinarily quick; they answered these a bit like you would shoo a nagging fly. Where it got interesting for me and clued me in to their potential ignorance is when Nichols asked Wade about Charles Barkley's derogatory comments about "The Decision" and Wade's newly formed powerhouse. He responded:

"What have we done that Charles didn't do…I understand that Charles went to Houston and I know he played with Scottie Pippen, [Hakeem] Olajuwon, Drexler; you know my biggest thing is you gotta look in the mirror before you start talking about someone else's life."

For the longest time, Flash has been able to avoid much of the same criticism Lebron has received-and it pains me to say it. Since 2003 (excluding every Boston Celtic), Wade has been my favorite player in the league. I have ardently defended Wade countless times since 2006 when people wanted to put Lebron and Kobe in a tier above him. "Maybe Kobe, but what has Lebron won," I would proclaim. Like Kobe, it was Wade who seemed infected with the Jordan Syndrome. What Wade, Bosh, and Lebron don't realize is that their marriage violates one of the few rules of nature in sports and something that has never been attempted: three alpha dogs in their prime on one team. In order to explain this clearly, I'll explain one of Hollywood's golden rules. I call it The Expendables Exemption, which states:

A top alpha action hero can only team up with similar top alpha action heroes once they are past the age of 55. If done prior it should be considered a negative mark against his career. Congruently, if such move is to take place it usually signals the end of their action hero career.

Here is a quick example. The best action stars of our time are Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford, Steven Segal, and Kurt Russell, with strong consideration to Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson. In the late 80's and early 90's all of these men were at the height of their ability. They were the Bird, Jordan, Magic, Barkley, Malone, and Ewing of Hollywood. They were young, handsome, and in their prime. They wore the fact that they could carry a blockbuster on their own like a badge of honor. Willis didn't need Sly to make Die Hard great. Arnold wasn't asking for Segal to share the screen in Predator. They, like all great athletes, wanted to see if they could challenge themselves and to succeed on their own. The reason Gibson doesn't make the final cut is he needed Danny Glover to make the Lethal Weapon series a success.

Once male action heroes reach 55, physically they're not quite what they used to be. Their looks have faded (or in some cases are surgically enhanced) and they can't capture the audience in the same way because it just isn't believable. (I know, a camouflage alien fighting a group of special force Marines in the jungles of Panama isn't exactly believable either, but you get my point.) In an effort for them to make a box office splash we let them team up to share the load to make a blockbuster-and that's how we got The Expendables. They're essentially admitting that retirement is near and they need some help in achieving the same level of dominance they once had on the silver screen. It's like action hero social security. It isn't viewed as a poor choice because they're past the peak of their talents and need a little help from their peers; and we as the public except it.

The same applies for NBA players. Miami's big three isn't even in the same realm as Sir Charles' tryst in Houston. In 1996 Barkley ventured to Houston in a desperate search for an NBA ring; he was 33, which in NBA years equals about 50. He would join a 35-year-old Hakeem Olajuwon and a 34-year-old Clyde Drexler for a last ditch effort to try and capture a title that so far had eluded him. All of them were in the twilight of their careers and were just looking for a final blockbuster to hang their hat on. It didn't work and within three years they had all retired.

Three alpha dogs in their prime?

Wade (28), Lebron (25), and Bosh (25) are either at or near the apex of their abilities. Most NBA players reach their primes between 28 and 31. People like me are disappointed in them not because three good looking, wealthy athletes chose to play together in a city like Miami (which is where they play, not on South Beach Lebron!) but because like action heroes in their prime, I wanted to see if they could hold a show on their own. We are disappointed because neither they nor the people who support them can seem to grasp the concept that Barkley, Patrick Ewing, and Reggie Miller didn't join forces to try and beat Jordan in the early 90s. They were confident in their abilities and wanted to prove they could do it on their own. If anything I hope that I can make them understand it's that teaming up is for middle-aged men and not young alpha males in the prime of their careers.